Parents, you can not prepare the future for your children. You can only prepare them for the future.
In our previous articles, we have written so well on parenting styles, the risks, the consequences, and the devastating effects of raising irresponsible children.
Over indulgence is the most effective way of raising ill mannered children. It means giving children too much, too early, too long for their age. It also means over involving, over identifying, over investing in the lives of children, and having a very lenient structure in parenting skills. As we know, too much of everything is bad. Much as it is important for parents to support, provide, and care for their children, moderation is very necessary and must be applied. Over indulgence has become the new normal in the present day parenting skills, and the result is becoming adversely evident in the present day young adults.
Many parents who shared their experiences about how they raised ‘highly spoiled’ children or children with behavioural problems attribute their mistakes to the stereotype of over indulgence. This parenting error interfered with the healthy development of those children who consequently struggle with life-long problems as adults.
Are You Guilty?
Children start to exhibit traits of over indulgence from age five when their personality starts to develop. Over indulged parents start from;
- Feeding their children too much.
- Doing their homework.
- Not regulating their screen time.
- Allowing them to eat from anywhere and anybody.
- Buying them things that are way too expensive for their age.
- Too much toys and gifts for their age.
- Doing chores that their age can do.
- Tolerating their tantrums as they cry to make a request.
- Allowing them to play in the place of worship or during worship.
- Being over lenient and allowing them to do things their own way and at their time.
There are numerous ways to over indulge a child. Clearly, over indulgence comes from a very caring heart, most times from parents who have an only child or those who had a delayed conception. The issue is not in indulging but in over indulging, meaning going overboard in parenting responsibility.
The risk is usually raising kids with an overblown sense of entitlement, ungrateful, lack of valuable life skills, materialistic, poor self-control, blotted ego, narcissistic, poor self-esteem, irresponsible, obessed, obsessed, extra vagant and wasteful.
Sometimes, these children grow up and find it difficult to manage a relationship because they feel they are the centre of the universe, which makes them non tolerant, impatient and ungrateful. It is a terrible situation that affects the child, the family, and society.
Ways to Adjust
We earlier discussed the four main parenting styles, which are;
Authoritative: Balanced parenting.
Authoritarian: Strict parenting.
Indulgent: Lenient parenting.
Neglectful: Uninvolved parenting.
Authoritative or balanced parenting simply means intentional indulgence. Indulgence is not just about providing for children. It is also about setting expectations and teaching them lessons of what to do and what not to do, depending on their age. It is about planning, communicating the plan, setting limits for them, giving them a chance to resolve their issues by themselves, establishing rules for play time and their play devices, making financial plans for them, setting limits for their actions and taking charge as the decision maker.
Children must be taught to value everything in life, no matter how small it is. From the food they eat without being wasteful. They must be fed only when hungry, junk food and snacks must be limited, instead more fruits and vegetables should be encouraged. Depending on their age, they must learn to pack the plates, clean their dining table, and wash their dishes after each meal.
Every parent, in a bid to provide the wants of their children, need to ask the following questions;
How well do they need it? Does it help their growth (emotional, physical, and spiritual) in any way? Does buying them all the toys and games and putting a TV in their room make them any better? Are they doing age appropriate chores? Clearly, over pampering children and shielding them from challenging experiences impedes their chances of building resilience.
Finding the balance on parenting styles may be difficult. Just like tightening the nuts of a car tyre, normal tight is okay. But if over tightening is criticism, loose tight is over indulgence.
Amara Ann Unachukwu
