I had a conversation with my son some years ago. We were expecting my older sister over the weekend, and they were all expectant of the usual good treat from her.
And it goes…
Son: Mummy, did Big Aunty buy the Ipad for me?
Me: Most likely, she already promised.
Son: What else did she buy for me?
Me: I don’t know, wait till she comes.
Son: I hope she’s still taking us to the cinema.
Me: Yes, you’ll remind her when she comes.
Son: When she comes, I’ll also remind her that my birthday is coming soon.
Me: Why are you only thinking about what Big Aunty will do for you? Have you thought of what you can do for her when she comes?
Son: But I am only a child, I can’t buy her anything. I can’t do anything for her now.
Me: No. You can do something for her. It must not be money or gift items.
Son: How mummy?
Me: You can make her enjoy her stay in many ways. You can make her bed, clean her room, help her with a glass of water, ask her if she wants anything, or even reduce the noise you make in the house. You can take care of her in your own little way. Making an attempt is enough.There’s always something you can do for people around you, your age not withstanding. You need to always think about that, as much as you think about what they can do for you.
This is the mindset I try to inculcate in my children and other children in my circle in order to reduce entitlement mentality and foster responsibility, care, and love in them.
Building a healthy relationship is prerequisite to a healthy living. A healthy relationship is not one that is beneficial to one party but one that is balanced.
One where expectations and contributions are equal irrespective of the financial status of the parties. One where individuals contribute and receive proportionate measures of support and assurance either by financial, moral, emotional, or even genuine spiritual support. The level of support one gets in a relationship plays a crucial role in determining the health and longevity of that relationship.
Relationships in this context cover siblings, relatives, friends, colleagues, partners, and so on. Some parties in a relationship are emotionally burnt out because they do not receive the same energy they give. That’s why some fall apart when a party doesn’t feel validated that he’s in an emotionally healthy space.
Nature creates a symbiotic relationship between dissimilar species, and because of this, a symbiotic human relationship is achievable. Whether in a horizontal relationship ( equal power and responsibility), or vertical relationship ( one person has more power and responsibility), the relationship should have the potential to be mutually beneficial in order to evolve naturally through the contributions of both parties.
Some people have conditioned their minds to always be the recipient of goodness in their relationships. They only say hello, send appreciation, prayers, seasons’ greetings, and flow very well when they need or have received some help. They hardly make sacrifices, and their level of commitment to their relationship is prompted by what they want at a given time.
These sets of people
need to recondition some pre conceived ideas and thoughts in their mind . If the value of shared relationship resonates within the parties involved, acceptance, compatibility, affection, and love will be enhanced.
Though expectations are different in every relationship, there are signs that the other party whom you rely on for support may need support as well. Sometimes, those we call for help have no one to call when it’s their turn to be helped. Their life has been built only on giving and helping, and they struggle for help when they’re in need.
To build a mutually beneficial support system, each party needs to think of what might be beneficial to both parties. We all need to learn this to have a balanced relationship, enjoy each other, and live a happy life.
Every child needs to be taught this life model so that their expectations will not always outweigh their contributions in life. Think of what you can do to the other party, offer to help or support, talk about what you want to do even when you’re constrained, and let your impact be felt. You can’t be financially, morally, psychologically, and spiritually incapacitated. Invest in your relationship and make it healthy. It is a worthy investment with lifelong dividends.
Amara Ann Unachukwu.
