Parenting is a difficult and time-consuming task with ongoing responsibilities that progress with time and age. This article will explore parenting at an early stage, the resultant effects of bad parenting on a child and how it affect parent-child relationship in the future.
Let’s start with this question, if a parent and a child have a bad relationship, is it usually the parents fault?
A yes answer will take the most score because parents set the foundation for their children, a child’s first experience with life is with her parents and adulthood is the reflection of one’s childhood experience. However, a child could have a different personality with her parents or have friends that have different family values which could also affect the relationship she has with her parents. The latter becomes prevalent in adolescent age when peer pressure and influence becomes domineering in a child’s life.
It is pertinent to note that parents in the context of this article are not just biological parents but also foster parents and caregivers. How do you as a parent raise those under your care? Your nanny, housekeepers, workers, especially the under aged among them? That child will grow up one day!
The emotional role of a parent is built on love and affection which is an essential part of being a parent. The memories a child have with her parents are basically dependent on the love she was shown, the efforts and sacrifices made by their parents while raising them. This is why it is important to nurture and protect a parent-child relationship for a healthy and long-lasting relationship in the future which is the focus of this article.
Sadly, some children grow up not loving their parents but merely accepting them as their parents. They know too well to understand that even though their parents did not raise them with love, they owe them some level of care as their adult children. While some bad cases may be having a child that grows up attacking and antagonizing with their parents for not showing them love, for being too strict or to lose or for not guiding them well to the path of truth. All young parents must make that conscious effort to raise children who will be proud of their parenting skills and the lifetime impact it has on them.
What efforts and sacrifices have you made to keep your child happy? What conscious steps have you taken to include your child’s future in your daily needs? How emotionally attached are you with your child? What’s the level of bond and relationship you have with your child? To what extent do you empathize with your child? Do you create warmth, conducive and enabling atmosphere while interacting with your child? Can your child confide in you? Are you too permissive of your child’s want? Do you over pamper and not indulge your child in age appropriate tasks? How do you settle rivalry between your children? Do you have the best child shown to other children the detriment of their feelings?
Harnessing these and working to achieve them require great efforts which is made possible by setting clear parenting goal.
Let’s not go into the obvious importance of a healthy parents-child relationship but be narrowed to bad parenting, its effects on a child and the best parenting skills to adopt in raising a child. One who is happy as a child and as adults, who is cooperative and loving and more importantly, who can be proud of and emulate her parents’ parenting skills on the long run.
Generally, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual and psychological), neglect, frequent yelling, physical threats etc., are considered bad by anyone. Beyond this, there are many things parents may do or say, steps they may take, intentionally or unintentionally that may lead to adverse outcome on a child. The gap between over indulgence and under indulgence must be bridged. An honest assessment of our parenting skills is very vital for every parent. Let’s not forget that every parent have low moments or moments where they lose control or pour frustration and aggression on the children which does not make one a bad parent. How you regulate these emotions and connect with your child is what matters.
Diana Baumrind, the developmental psychologist in analyzing how parents express love, how they deal with their children and how they exercise authority over their children has grouped parenting skills into four categories;
- Authoritarian Parents; They use the no nonsense approach, very strict and rigid.
- Authoritative Parents; They are flexible, reasonable but disciplined.
- Permissive; They are loose, too lenient and accommodating.
- Uninvolved; They are careless, disengaged, little attached and carefree.
Many experts believe more in authoritative parenting because they give their child a lot of support and love. They are flexible and welcome open communication, but discipline isn’t joked with. They set house rules and make sure that each child comply with clear guidelines. Yet, they are reasonable and not too strict.
Loving children are products of loving parents and good parenting skills. Every parent must call it a duty to raise loving children for the sake of the child’s present happiness and the parents future joy. No doubt, bad parenting affects a child’s happiness ranging from emotional and behavioral issues. Such child is prone to social problems which may linger to adulthood or even a lifetime. Some children may feel lonely, lose confidence, have anxiety or learning disorder, be arrogant/disrespectful, be lazy, be withdrawn and feel inferior which are deep psychological issues that are difficult for a child to overcome.
Every child needs to be supported by their parents to be responsible, happy and cooperative. Every parent needs to coach rather than control, regulate their emotions, be intentional and involved in a child’s life and be able to communicate and connect with a child. A child either needs to create a healthy parenting path from her parents as role models or work to overcome the negative parenting skills taught by her parents.
It is pertinent to note that parents with positive style of parenting can have children who struggle with behavioral and emotional issues (though in rare cases). You can do your best as a parent and still have your child struggle and have parenting challenges in the future. But that should not be a reason not to employ the right parenting skills and be exonerated from guilt if it turns sour.
Parenting as an ongoing process is very dynamic and the skills employed should change based on many circumstances especially with the child’s development and societal changes. Technological advancement is one major factor that compels changes in parenting skills.
I’m conclusion, let us not lose sight in the truth that lies in the saying, it takes a village to raise a child. Our parenting skills must accommodate other parents input, not being overprotective of a child. Parenting is an institution where you make researches from different sources, draw inference from peoples experiences before choosing your own path.
May we all be guided as we pray that our parenting efforts now will not be futile in the future, Amen.
Amara Ann Unachukwu.
