Parental pressure was one of the most challenging encounters I had as a school administrator. This pressure comes in different forms and ways, the commonest being the pressure by parents for their children to make academic progress beyond their age. Parents oftentimes feel out of the loop about their children’s academic headway, which makes them mount pressure on their children, their children’s teachers, and their other instructors. Almost every parent is guilty of this at some point, especially in African schools where educational regulations are porous that children can be in any class at any age. This breeds a situation where a child of two years is pressured into doing the things a five years old child should do. You hear parents of such children making complaints like, my child can not write well, have not started reading, can not identify colours, can not recites nursery rhymes, and so on. At what age exactly? It gets so ridiculous and increases as the children progress in class, causing unhealthy comparisons, crippled competition, and statements like my neighbour’s son can do this, my child’s former school was good at this, and so on. Some schools in a bid to satisfy this quest and quench this pressure tend to compromise the set academic standard.
Parental pressure means parents making unnecessary demands and having too much expectations about the achievements of their children. This has become a trend where parents push their children beyond limits to make achievements by all means. They often place demands on them to conform to certain values and beliefs. This excessive pressure could be academically, athletically, or socially. It is important for parents to maintain a balance between setting big expectations and fostering parental guidance towards a sense of autonomy for their children. No doubt, high expectations of a child’s performance are healthy, but constant pressure could be harmful.
Various factors contribute to excessive parental pressure for children to excel. These include societal norms, cultural expectations, parental aspirations, parental desire for a child’s success, and the belief that pushing them too hard will result in positive outcome.
Society has idolized high achievement in children. Average children are seen as below standard and looked down on. Every generation is trying so hard to outdo the previous generations. Social media has triggered more pressure and makes parenting feel competitive that every parent strives to appear perfect. The public has normalized high achievements by emphasizing more on a child’s effort rather than the outcome. Parental aspiration has heightened the push for higher achievements. Parents desire to be recognized on their child’s school occasions as the father or mother of ‘that outstanding child’.
Recent studies have revealed that excessive parental involvement and elastic push for their child to succeed can backfire. It also showed that some parents are unaware of this pressure while some are in denial. It further revealed that mothers are the most significant trigger for this pressure. Again, it is recognized that competition amongst mothers has upped this trigger that both children and parents feel in their lives.
Effects of Parental Pressure on Children
- Feelings of inadequacy.
- Crumbled self-esteem and self-worth.
- Loss of interest.
- Anxiety and Depression.
- Difficulty to make decisions or take up new projects.
- Difficulty to make friends or associate with people.
- Unhealthy and dangerous competitions.
- Anger, frustration, bitternes, and wickedness.
- Unnecessary jealousy and back bitting.
- Defensive attitude.
Teachers and schools need to educate parents about the implications of their excessive pressure on their children. They need to make parents understand that every child is an individual and can make a meaningful contribution to society and in life if guided properly and adequately. They must understand that each child is unique and have different passion, interest, and zeal. That the strengths and weaknesses of children differ. Teachers and schools can make out time to do face to face discussions with such pressuring parents, be persistent, keep dialogue open, and stand their ground in a bid to save the vulnerable children from such damaging pressure. Parents need to trust their children teachers and be reassured that their children are in good hands. Some parental pressures are not intentional, parents are pressured by other parents, family members, neighbours, or what they have read or seen in the media.
It is important for parents to be conscious of the impact of whatever action they take on their children upbringing. Though not all parental pressures on children are negative, some are healthy, beneficial, and a good propeller for the desired academic or athletic performance of a child. The excess is the issue that must be dealt with.
Parents, teachers, and children need to take conscious and effective steps to relieve the pressure that are heaped on children in their academic and other performances. Society needs to recognize and encourage individual differences, other than creating competition and comparison amongst families. School commitment and activities must provide fulfilment and happiness to children instead of anxiety and stress. Balance must be maintained on the way parents feel, think, and behave towards their child’s academic achievements.
Amara Ann Unachukwu
