In the words of Maria Montessori, “The child is both a hope and a promise for mankind”. A well nurtured child is the pride of every family and the society. Good manners in children reflect from a distance. You could tell from the way they walk, talk, eat, play etc. It practically shows in their body language and carriage. Well mannered children are good representatives of the world they live in and great ambassadors of grace and love.
Children are born with a natural inclination toward love, kindness and empathy. However, these must be nurtured to take a root which will germinate into a culture of good manners. If nurturing goes wrong, the mind of a child may be affected and it becomes resistant to every good seed sown. If care is not taken, it expands and grows to affect a child’s entire disposition, breeding bad character, dishonor, poor etiquette and lack of courtesy.
Courtesy is not just a set of polite behaviour, it is the light through which children see the world. Sadly, there is a trend of discourteous and disrespectful behaviour in children of this generation and the earlier it is curtailed, the better for everyone. Honor is the courtesy of regard and recognition of someone with admiration and respect . A culture of honor is a culture of service, of value, humility, esteem and great respect. Etiquette is the accepted and expected set of behaviour that conforms with the norms in a family or society. It is the rules that set the right behaviour in our social interactions which regulates good manners in a society. It is therefore safe to say that courtesy, honor and etiquette are workable tools that are aimed at ensuring good character, right conduct and acceptable behaviour of a child in the family and the society.
It is special joy when children get noticed for the right reasons. Parents and teachers are implored to help children master good manners because the bad manners they display are not always intentional. Children are impulsive in nature, that is why they quickly interrupt, talk back at adult, pick their nose randomly etc. They respond to stimulus without a blink and to them, it is okay.
To instill good manners in children, it is advisable to start by instilling a thoughtful behaviour which makes them give a thought to each action they intend to carry out.
Teach them that it is polite to say Please, Thank you, Sorry, Excuse me, take turns, greet and reciprocate greetings, ask for permission, express gratitude, knock on closed doors, don’t use foul language, introduce yourself, honor and respect your seniors, hold door for others, use ‘pardon me’, offer to help, use cutleries, have dining etiquette, clear and wash dishes, do tasks without grumbling, sit up for elders, give compliments, ask before touching or using other people’s things, don’t put feet on the dining table, don’t chew with mouth open, take off shoes when you enter the house, pray always etc. The list is endless.
It is instructive to note that parents and teachers must model good manners to make it easier for children to copy. Practice what you preach. Give good explanations using instances and age appropriate languages. Give regular reminders and never overlook flaws or errors. Make them understand that it is a gradual process and every adult was once a child in the same situation. Don’t be overly strict, give room for mistakes and corrections, offer prompts and use consequences.
Remember that manners take time to master. Expect resistance but be consistent and give consequences to show how serious you are and make them understand there is no better option. Remember to praise them when they’re in conformance with your expectations. Depending on the age of the child, allow them to master one courtesy or etiquette at a time. Tailor your expectations to their age, a toddler and child can start with basic etiquette like thank you, sorry, please etc, while an adolescent or teenager can focus on more advanced etiquette like phone and communication etiquette.
As a parent, it is your responsibility to set up behavioural expectations for your children and to communicate it properly and consistently until a desirable result is achieved. It is a fallacy to think that well mannered children are born and not raised. Yes, some children are more easy going in parenting but good manners are taught, enforced and reinforced over time. The greatest challenge of instilling good manners in children is when their peers at school and other gatherings are doing the opposite of what they are taught. That influence dilutes the efforts, that is why reinforcing expectations with praise and consequences is a vital tool.
Instilling good manners in children is a worthwhile effort which is beneficial to the child, the family and the society and this needs to be taken seriously!
Amara Ann Unachukwu
