One of the purposes of human existence is to reach out to others in a life-giving way. Again, to feel the touch of others as well as to touch others in an impactful way. No one is an island is an old saying which means that no one should live in solitary confinement. We all need each other no matter our race, status, gender, religion, belief, and all.
The world is a field where we play and interact in the family, the classroom, the church, the workplace, and many other places where we meet. In this field, we touch each other lives in different ways, by physical touch, by verbal touch, by our attitude or gesture and this can be positive or negative, constructive and life-enhancing or destructive and life-diminishing.
In the 1960s, a social scientist called Harry Harlow experimented on infant rhesus monkeys. He wanted to see how cutting the monkeys off from all contacts would affect them. He did cut them off from physical contact for a whole new year. He discovered that the monkeys were seriously disturbed and the isolation affected them so much that their behaviour and their immune system began to decline. They started to self-harm, and in less than a year, they were incapable of functioning at all.
This experiment on monkeys is not far from what is obtainable on the human planet. The extent of the relationship we have with people can either build or knock us down. The level of depression, suicide, and many other prevalent mental illnesses is greatly affected by the circle we keep. Those who live in solitude, who distance themselves from family, keep no friends, and relate with nobody, are more prone to mental and psychological illness than those who relate with others better.
Solitude is a stumbling block and the biggest enemy of a happy life because the warmth we feel and the joy we exude mainly come from our contact with others. Encouragement can only be given to those who make their problem known. Love can only be shown to those who welcome it. A gift can only be given to those who appreciate it. Counsel can only be given to those who seek it. Thus, the measure with which we relate with people is exactly the measure we receive their attention, care, and love.
It is said that the true meaning of wealth is in the relationship we keep. It is measured in the quality of the people around us who can go the extra mile to protect us and see us happy. Those who can take risks for our sake and bend rules to accommodate us. Those who can make sacrifices to push us further and help us reach our goals. Indeed, our blessings come from God through men. Therefore, we restrain God’s blessings when we live a life of solitude.
It is important to understand that loneliness is different from solitude. While loneliness means that the connection we need is less than the connection we have, solitude means that we are disconnected completely from every connection. The deeper we delve into the world of men, the better we understand the need to break down the walls of isolation and resuscitate dead life-to-life bonds among humans. Dialogue breaks through the tendency to isolate and changes isolation to connection and interdependence.
However, living against the world of solitude doesn’t mean that we should not recognise and apply basic limits to interpersonal behaviour and observe quiet and lone time when necessary. We are reminded of the need to deconstruct isolation by renewing our sense of community and letting go of some rigidness in our relationship. We can only redefine our strength and cultivate power and clarity when we find a healthy balance in our relationship with others.
โ๏ธAmara Ann Unachukwu
