Picking up on their children’s vulnerability is a habit a lot of parents are guilty of. They worry so much when their children cry over a less than perfect grade in school, when they fret that something they said might seem weird, when they criticize themselves for falling short of expectation, when they avoid situations where they might not instantly excel and so on. Because many parents and teachers equate confidence in children with being impressive in grades, class performances and being outspoken, they create fear, tension and lack of courage which makes some children seem outwardly confident but inwardly suffering self judgement and low esteem. These, in turn, kill their confidence and abilities on a daily basis.
The long-term result of this is that children constantly struggle to prove their self-worth through external approval or accomplishments. This puts them in an endless treadmill of feeling flawed when they experience a visible setback, make a mistake, have low grades, or when they encounter someone who do better than them. Rather than acting with authenticity, their confidence is built on self-promotion, and their efforts are tailored not to fall short of perfections but to hide flaws in order to impress their parents and teachers. This is a big and self-destructive error which handicaps the significance of confidence.
Confidence emanates from self-worth and self- value. It starts from always feeling good about oneself, feeling encouraged to try again in the event of failure, feeling proud of what one can do, feeling accepted by others, and feeling safe and positive always. Confidence is a realistic and secured feeling of oneself and abilities. It is a belief, a faith, and a conviction of one’s ability, power, and trust to deal with a given situation.
A child lacks confidence when he keeps quiet in a situation he should speak. When he hides his God-given talents or skills for fear of failure. When he looks down on himself, his strengths and abilities.When he focuses on his weaknesses and flaws to the detriment of his worth. When he lacks the conviction that he is unique and that his expectation should be dependent on his abilities. When he lets another steal his joy and rob him of his confidence to live purposefully. When he fails to engage and retain his talent and intrinsic values. When he fails to be kind to himself, to look after himself and to be happy for himself.
When Emilia was in year 4, she expressed her fear of growing up to be a failure. She was literally shaking and so tensed as she spoke. Her self-esteem was completely shattered, which was later traced to her parents, who constantly told her that she was not doing impressively great in her school work. This repulsive attitude of her parents relentlessly preoccupied her mind and made her judge herself negatively to the extent of losing her value completely. She embraced a better narrative, changed her mind, and unlocked her potential after she was counselled about confidence.
Parents need to understand that picking up on their children’s weakness makes them more vulnerable to self-pity and destroys their self-worth. The idea that a child has to be great at everything entirely compounds the pressure children have to perform and be their best. Whilst trying to raise an “amazing” child, parents must learn to seek a balance between a child’s goal and his ability
Parents, teachers, and caregivers need to help self doubting children by reassuring them of how wonderful they are through praises. Though praises should be done in moderation because research has shown that it could backfire to lower self-esteem if it becomes constant. When praises are done in moderation, it makes children have a personal conviction of how unique they are. It makes them relinguish harsh self judgement and embrace the humane approach while dealing with others. Thus, they develop a quiet ego while while maintaining their self-worth.
It is pertinent to teach every child that we can allow what happens to us to change us but not to reduce us. A child with confidence has self approval, conviction, and potential to win even before he started any race. Every child must believe that he is gifted with something and for something and must attain every desired height with confidence.
*BIBLE VERSE*
*Jeremiah 17:7*
*But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.*
*PROVERB*
*Whoever does not respect confidence will never find happiness in their path*
*Traditional Proverb*
*RIDDLE*
*I never was, am always to be, no one ever saw me, nor ever will, and yet I am the confidence of all, to live and breathe on this terrestrial ball*
*What am I?*
*Amara Ann Unachukwu*
