Jerry was a serial killer who told police he was missing the part of humanity that makes people care about others. By the time he was caught, he had murdered 42 people, both young, old, men, and women. The relatives of all the deceased sought justice for their loved ones whom Jerry killed. At last, Jerry was arrested.
In court, his victims’ loved ones spoke one by one, expressing from their hearts their contempt for the killer who was cold and without remorse. Understandably, the courtroom was filled with anger and pain. Jerry remained unmoved, and the court lambasted him for his complete lack of compassion.
Then, it was Nixon’s turn to address the court. His daughter, Chelsea, was one of Jerry’s victims. While family members of other victims had screamed and rained curses or wished death on Jerry, Nixon was composed as he faced his daughter’s killer. What he said surprised everyone, including the cold-hearted murderer.
He said to Mr. Jerry, many people here hate you, but I am not one of them. I forgive you for what you’ve done. You’ve made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and that is what God says to do. That is to forgive. And he doesn’t say to forgive just certain people. He says to forgive all. “So you’re forgiven, Sir”. He spoke more about forgiveness and its merits.
As he was speaking, Jerry’s chin began to quiver. He blinked rapidly. He started to weep and took off his glasses to wipe the tears. Nixon’s words of forgiveness got to Jerry’s heart in a way no other words could.
That’s the power of forgiveness. As Nixon demonstrated and as Jerry discovered, forgiveness sets us free. The big question is, how easy is it to forgive, especially in situations that warrant outright condemnation and vengeance? Is there a place for forgiveness when justice is demanded? Is there any relationship between forgiveness and justice? I wrote on justice earlier, now let’s relate it to forgiveness.
Forgiveness simply means pardoning of an offence, while justice means desiring restoration and change from the offender. We need to forgive but also must desire change through justice. God’s righteous standard is restorative. It changes us, sanctifies us, and makes us new creations. That is His justice, which makes His forgiveness meaningful. Forgiveness without justice is a violation of righteousness and mere sentimentality. When we forgive, the hurt and damage still exist, and there’s nothing we can do to physically restore the damage. We can only seek justice by desiring a change, restoration, and rehabilitation of the victimizer.
Forgiveness is complicated for both children and adults. Sometimes, we think we have forgiven but may experience sudden outbursts of anger and resentment when we see the offender. Forgiveness evolves from childhood to adulthood, and it is largely influenced by what we learn from those we look up to and from our environment. The world is full of unforgiveness, which breeds anger, rancour, enmity, bitterness, hostility, killings, and even war.
Children are often taught to say ‘I am sorry’ and ‘I forgive you’ as a solution to dispute. But these are quicker solutions that can not solve deeper anger and deeper hurt. Forgiveness is beyond mere utterances. Children need to be taught how to process the depth of their anger and to help them emotionally recover when they experience harm and unfair treatment. Forgiveness is not about being right, it is holy. It needs time, perspective, practice, and love.
Most of our children and youths are held in the prison of unforgiveness. From parents’ unresolved conflicts, to rivalry amongst siblings, to hatred between classmates, to feuds amongst colleagues and many other unhealthy competitions and bitterness in the society. The social media scandals and cyber bullies we see today are results of unforgiveness, sometimes a chain of transferred aggression or borrowed anger. We need a forgiving, accommodating, and healthier society.
According to Roberto Assagioli, “Without forgiveness, life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” Forgiveness is difficult but beautiful. Instil in your children the desire to forgive. Let them know that forgiveness is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy.
BIBLE VERSE
Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
PROVERB
Forgiveness hides a pleasure that you can’t get back from revenge. ~ Iranian Proverbs
RIDDLE
What can be given and can be accepted, it is worth a great deal but costs nothing yet has no monetary value?
Amara Ann Unachukwu
