Many parents get frustrated and ‘lose their cool’ during the adolescent stages in their children’s life. This period in the life of every child is very critical because it is a transitional stage that comes with lots of physical, mental, emotional and psychological changes. Understanding and making the necessary adjustments during these stages is important for both the parents and the child.
Scientifically, the adolescent age is a time of significant brain change. This is between age 11 to 18 years. The early adolescent age is the teenage age while the mid and late adolescent age is the pre adult age. Studies have shown that during this adolescent age in children, there are lots of new connections made between the cells in their brain which offer them great opportunities to learn and develop new skills and knowledge. Some skills are used while some are not used. The regular and used skills stay and get stronger while the unused skills eventually die off with time. In late adolescent age, the used brain connections become faster and stronger, making them experts at certain skills.
The fact is this, in this adolescent age, some brain parts develop past the other. The prefrontal context of the brain, the part that informs decision making, logical reasoning and self regulation gets under developed while the limbic system, the part that informs emotional reactions becomes fully developed. Thus, the limbic system takes over decision making at the expense of the prefrontal context which largely influences how a child experiences and expresses emotions.
This scientific analysis gives a good understanding of why most teenagers show real rawness in expressing their emotions and often behave emotionally extreme. Parents need to align these biological reasons while dealing with their adolescent children and accommodate their excesses and other underlying reasons that come to play within this period. The other reasons could be peer influence, struggle with identity development, effects of puberty, dealing with menstrual cycle (for girls), self reliant syndrome and so on.
Ways to Support Adolescent Children
Growing past childhood is entirely different from maturing into adulthood. Every stage in a child’s development is important and interesting. Parents need to make their adolescent children understand this first because it will make them more disposed to listen and learn throughout the processes.
For parents, teachers and caregivers, these are the ways to support adolescent children through the adolescent stages;
- Be very patient and understanding. Think of an accommodating and soothing parental approach depending on the child and the type of emotions exhibited.
- Keep your emotions and sanity intact. You can’t afford to have you and your child losing your emotions at the same time.
- Communicate with them very often. Make them know that it is okay to pass through those stages but better to be conscious and stay in control of it.
- Be conscious of the kind of friends they keep. The influence of friends at this time could be overwhelming if not properly managed.
- Always be available for them. Pray with them, talk to them and get their minds engaged positively.
Is Their Behaviour Transient or Permanent?
Typical adolescent behaviour portrays a dangling pendulum of forward and backward movements. Sometimes, the movements tilt both forward and backward at the same time, from child-like behaviour to adult behavior. It means that a child can act so mature this minute and behave the opposite the next minute. These are emotions at play and the pendulum keeps swinging to extremes causing different reactions at different times. But the stages are transient and part of the process of their evolving identity. Definitely, it passes and disappears with time.
For young teenagers, this period may be characterized by formation of peer groups (academic, sports, gangs) with a shift in group allegiance. Again, some young teenagers start experiencing crush ( feelings for opposite sex) which are often one sided and suppressed by circumstances.
By mid adolescent age, several peer groups have been tested and some adult supporters (coaches, teachers, advisers) trusted and children can make informed choices in this regard. During this period, relationships are largely influenced by videos, chats, social media and the connection between a child’s inner and outside circle.
At late adolescent age, identity begins to emerge and be solidified. Tentative career choices are made, more meaningful relationships are kept and the child begins to gain focus to face life deeper.
Not withstanding the worries and stress that parents face during this period in their child’s life, the good news is, it is only a transitional stage and the good outcomes are more common than the few bad outcomes. Everybody makes mistakes, the caution is to learn from it. A child only needs to be guided through these different stages of pendulum swings and emotional reactions which may be mild or severe depending on the child’s family and environment. With good support systems both at home and in school, it is not a difficult task for a child to evolve successfully from these adolescent stages to a proper adult life.
Amara Ann Unachukwu
