A friend once told me that whenever her mother advices her, she’ll be doubting if actually she was conceived through sex. She said to me that she sees her mother as a virgin because of how she talks and acts especially in sex related matters. She practically sees her mother as a saint!
A lot of parents are not being honest to their children and it makes their children feel unwilling and threatened to confide in them when they make mistakes.
I notice that children pay more attention to corrections when you make them feel that you as a parent, made some mistakes in life and have decided to guide your children through them. When parents hide their flaws and shortcomings while correcting their children, it sets them on a parallel line that makes it difficult for the children to connect with the corrections.
Children see their parents as their first role model. As a parent, do you model perfection? Do you give your children the impression that you all got it right growing up? You made excellent grades throughout your school days? You were the most respectful and disciplined pupil? The best girl/boy in school, church and neighbourhood? The most responsible and reserved? That may be relatively true but can never be absolutely true.
Life is not perfect and nobody is. As human beings, we make mistakes and learn from them. Our mistakes are like scars which have healed but are still visible. Scars no longer give pains but they’re seen as reminders not to be beaten by same stick and feel same hurt.
That does not mean that parents should bare their life and secrets to their children, nah, it only admonishes them to teach and guide with practical examples.
No mistake is pleasant but parents can teach their children to make the most of them and see them in a positive light. Parents should teach their children to embrace mistakes by owing up to their own mistakes and letting their children know how they overcame them.
How parents talk about their mistakes matters a lot. They need to do the following;
- Tell their children that eventhough mistakes are not pre-meditated or planned, they should welcome them when they happen because we learn through them.
- Teach them to focus on the positive outcome of mistakes and be conscious of how they react to mistakes because that determines the effect they have on us.
- Teach them coping mechanisms when mistakes happen so they can stand strong to adapt rather than being frustrated or depressed.
- Teach them to recognize and admit the causes of mistakes and to take pre cautionary mean to avoid a repetition of same or learning in a hard way.
Surely, childhood is the best time to learn and practice coping with mistakes and it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children this. Parents can never shelter their children from making mistakes without letting them know that they have walked the path before. They must try to be exemplary role models of how to deal with mistakes and keep moving in life. They need to share their experiences and remind their children that no one is perfect, not even them as parents. They should model growth through confronting the past and accepting mistakes. However, accepting flaws before children could be challenging but there is no better way to teach than leading by example.
Parents must also remember that eventhough their children may have same features or personality traits with them, but that does not mean that they will make same choices with their parents. Thus, children must be aware of the certainty of mistakes, irrespective of their choices. They must know that goals are achieved with time and with many practices and probably many mistakes. They should make them understand the importance of their journey more than trying to get to their destination by any means available. They should teach them to appreciate the choices of others and recognize different individual efforts on their paths in life.
In conclusion, parents teaching their children mistakes by personal examples can act as an encouragement for them not to give up. Children will understand better when it comes from their parents who obviously have lived past those mistakes. It helps them develop the grit to keep up even after a fall and that makes them resilient. It helps them seek solution instead of dwelling in their past errors. It compels them for change, to help improve on themselves instead of feeling defeated. It prepares them for life challenges ahead.
Amara Ann Unachukwu
