Today’s episode was illustrated with a short video. In the video, a teacher was angry at a child for not getting her question correctly, without asking the child how she got her answer. The teacher later discovered that the child had a valid reason for her answer and he became sorry, having yelled at the child. A simple ‘why’ question by the teacher would have saved all the stress and drama. Asking questions and giving listening ears are indispensable tools in good communication. A good listener is a good instructor and a good guardian.
How regular do you turn on your listening ears to that child?
Every adult is guilty of paying less attention to children when they come with their question and answer series or bring one complaint or the other, or want to engage one in a discussion. They often don’t want that ‘disturbance’ from children and always feel indisposed to attend to them. Oftentimes, children come for such at ‘odd times’. Yes, it’s okay to set child-parent discussions time but as spontaneous as children are, its difficult to maintain a strict time table with them especially the little ones.
Genuine listening ear has become a rare gift- the gift of time and the gift to the world… Martha Green How genuine is the time you give that child? How closely do you pay attention? Some children are so sensitive to know when they’re dismissed by mere body language and when they’re being heard instead of listened to.
Just like parents expect their children to listen amd understand their instructions, children expect parents to also listen and understand their complaints, deal with their problem or give an explanation to their concerns.
Giving a proper listening ear is not limited to parent-child relationship, all adults owe children their ears whenever they speak. Children crave attention from every adult at home, in school, church, playground etc. Please, do not despise them when they come to speak except they come at very odd hours like during church service, meal time or bed time. Giving proper listening ear doesn’t mean doing a task while listening to that child. It means giving full attention with warm eye contact. It gives that child the comfort to open up more and feel relaxed and safe while talking.
For parents, giving listening ears to your child helps you to gain insight on the discussion, to build ties with the child and to model a behaviour worthy of emulation. It shows you have respect and regard for people when they speak which the child grows to learn.
How best can a parent give listening ear to a child?
- Pay full attention
Stop what you’re doing and listen first. Face the child and give full eye contact. You may reschedule the discussion to an appropriate time if you’re busy or talk it over depending on what the child has to say.
- Do not interrupt until it is time Do not cut a child off during a conversation, wait till she’s finished before you give your thought or solution. As children they are, they may start with the most boring or unimportant and end with the most useful information.
- Be attentive, be relaxed and keep an open mind Do not judge the child, do not look apprehensive no matter the topic, do not be biased as you listen to whatever she’s saying. Stay calm and flow with her.
- Ask questions during and after the discussion This will show the child that you’re following and enjoying the discussion. It may make her open up and say more. Questions like ‘give me an example’, ‘what do you think could be done?’, ‘how do you feel about it?’ In so doing, you can know the mind of that child concerning the subject and know how best to handle it.
- Make an input in the discussion
Do not just listen and agree. Analyse the topic with that child. Say what you think is the best approach or way to deal with it. Correct and advice her if need be. Encourage her where necessary and if need be, caution her in a way she’ll understand.
Giving listening ears to a child makes her feel involved, important, welcomed and free with you. It makes the child to grow up having confidence in you and also confiding in you. It helps you to make new discoveries. It helps to develop resourceful and self reliant children. It’s a major determinant of a healthy parents-child relationship because it enhances good communication and warmth between both parties. It helps to solve problems, ensure understanding, improve accuracy and resolve conflicts.
Listening ears that are supportive and empathetic is a major requirement of every child, needed for good communication and healthy relationships with their parents and other adults. Every adult should endevour to cultivate good listening ears and make them available for children always.
Amara Ann Unachukwu
